Monday, September 6, 2010

The proof is in the (sugar free) pudding

The way I see it, it's September and school's back in session so that's why I'm about to be given a test. One of those big ones... I feel like I'm taking the SAT for MS on Tuesday. I'm about to put my body through stress and pain by having oral surgery. I'm going to take away nutrition and proper movement for a while, pump myself body full of new narcotics and see how well this little body performs.Yup I'm f-hu-r-e-e-e-k-e-d out! I've spent the last 5 years being so careful not to anger my body too much. No, I have not stopped living but I've said no to many things including both big life changes (like a job on my feet and having more children) to tiny daily things (like going to an outdoor festival in July.). I've kept a pretty tight reign on my stress level and my heat tollerence and I truly believe my constistancy and routines are as much of a factor in staying healthy as my Rebif injections are!

It's been a nice long summer wherein I squeezed a couple vacations, (which simply took extra planning and a roof rack for my Gazelle) visited multiple water parks (where I was always careful to stay in cool water when I was hot) and had many trips to the gym. My inexpensive Lifetime Fitness membership more than paid for itself each month! Especially after I decided to turn my "just good enough" workouts into "I bet I can lift more and go longer" ones. I am stronger now than I ever before and I enjoy fooling people into believing I am just like any other gym junkie. I'm not. I work out for a purpose that's bigger than becoming smaller.

So the positive bone in my body says I've made myself strong enough to keep an exaserbation at bay no matter the trauma I'm about to put it just sucks that the 'bright side of things' bone is in my pinky toe. Positive I am not, strong as hell I am (yeah that pinky toe is crazy strong!) I'm scared to death at what MS is capable of. After all it was the trauma of labor and child birth that spun me into the relapse that gave me weakness on my right side and a slight tremor. For years prior to that I was blissfully unaware that the oddities I'd felt for years were byproduct of MS. To calm my fears, a few of my loved ones have come up with creative analogies such as, dental surgery is simply like being in a car wreck while driving a Hummer but giving birth is like being blind sided by a semi. Ooooo can't wait! No really, that does make sense to me, so I should be fine right?!

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